The Jamaican Girl Code

I read this in a magazine some weeks ago & it was so funny, I had to share. Ladies, this Jamaican Girl Code is for you:

“The other day I was walking and I tripped over something on the street and fell. I was so embarrassed that I started crying. I wasn’t crying because I was hurt, I was crying because the underwear I wore that morning wasn’t pretty. It was a cross between a granny panty and brief-like undies. I knew it wasn’t road-worthy because when I was putting it on, I remembered mama’s voice in my head telling me to always wear my best underwear when I am leaving home. And I’d disobeyed. And not only was it inappropriate, the waist was distancing itself from the bottom of the drawers, and I knew that when I fell the first responders saw it.

I cried and I cried, and everyone kept asking me where was hurting and I kept touching everywhere and limping. It was a pity these people didn’t know that this was a distraction strategy to erase the memory of my unsightly drawers.

After I stopped wailing (because I realized that this was doing more harm than good and my act wasn’t convincing anymore) I instantly became well, gathered myself, thanked everyone and quickly went on my way.

While I was hurrying away it occurred to me that as a Jamaican woman travelling this world I need to always listen to my grandmother’s voice in my head, conform to the Jamaican girl code, and abide by the rules herein. For all those Jamaican women who have abandoned these rules, and to the ones who were never introduced to this manual, here is a shortened version”

Never leave home in torn up panties

Not only should your underwear be clean, hole free and sexy, if possible, your bra and undies should match. If anything happens you want to at least maintain some dignity. I should know, I am still trying to gather the pieces of my life after what happened to me.

Always look your best when leaving home

I was rushing to the mall one day and I was not looking cute at all, and guess who I saw with this cutelooking girl? My ex. I wanted to kill myself. It was that serious.

Never leave home without woman stuff

There is nothing more embarrassing than a stained behind in public. Unless you were stabbed, there is no other explanation than your period. So to avoid the embarrassment of an untimely visit by Aunt Sue, walk with a million tampons or pads in your bag. It is better to be safe than sorry.

Always make your bed before you leave home

The reasoning behind this rule is that you never know whom will be taking you back home when you leave in the mornings. You could fall ill and someone needs to take you to your bedroom or you die and someone has to go in your bedroom. Either way, if it is left messy you are going to feel horrible, dead or alive. Also, make sure that your bathroom and kitchen are always left in a presentable manner.

Carry birth control

Life is too short to be cute and shy. If you are bold enough to get naked, be bold enough to protect your life. Do not think that protection is the sole responsibility of the man. Always have your birth control ready and available.

Leave married men alone

I don’t need to tell you the amount of destruction that follows you when you knowingly get involved with a married man. Just read Hebrews 13 vs 4 and take the part that suits you. Send them home to their wives, take no part in it.

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